Learning From Tamita

By Jerri Fuhriman

Like any model, the Belief Cycle is used to understand and manage something that is very complex and dynamic, so by necessity the model simplifies the complexity it seeks to explain. This simplification is what makes the model a powerful management tool. It allows us to manage critical dynamics of a team that have been traditionally ignored, out of a belief they are impossible to understand and manage. We would like to demonstrate the cycle using an experience Jerri had as a child, with a horse named "Tamita." For an explanation of the Belief Cycle go to the white paper on this subject. We use the Tamita Story to explain the cycle, so it is helpful to read the story first.

"Learning From Tamita" By Jerri Fuhriman

Have you ever felt "attacked"? Let me tell you about a time I was attacked, by a horse. I never thought much about the reasons for a horse's behavior. I only thought about it in the terms of how I would handle the bad behavior and attempt to change it so that his owners or I could enjoy him better. At the time, as a child and as a teen, I didn't see the parallels between a horse's behavior and human behavior. I didn't understand how much we are like a horse in our reactions (fight or flight) or the reasons for developing bad behavior.

Now that I work with people discovering their Beliefs and helping them find out why they get the Results they do, it's much clearer to me just how much horses and people are alike. (I hope you don't mind the analogy and remember I'm not comparing us to donkeys!)

The Beginning

So let's start with the horse that almost ended my life at age 5. Her name was Tamita. My Mother had bought her as a yearling. Her life-long dream and passion had been to own a horse. Like a lot of new horse owners, she knew nothing about them. When she first brought Tamita home that fall, she was a fairly decent mannered filly. She had been halter broke and had what horsemen refer to as "basic ground manners." But it didn't take long for all this to change. Tamita was a pretty, ¾ Arabian filly who was very smart. It didn't take her long to figure out who was the boss around the corral--and it wasn't Mom! After a while, she began to develop her territorial "herd" instincts and wanted to set a "pecking" order with those around her. Since there were no other horses, the humans around her became her herd.
Mom was good with animals; she had raised and trained dogs for years. In her mind the horse was just a large dog. So when Tamita felt irritated or upset, Mom would pet her and reassure her--much like she would have a dog. When Mom gave Tamita her hay, she would often lean on the fence, watch her eat, and just bask in the moment of owning a real horse. But one day, Tamita was irritated by Mom's presence and threatened her by laying her ears back. She was telling my Mom this was her pile of hay and she better look elsewhere. But Mom didn't know that. Mom would pet her neck, reassure her everything was all right, and then oblige her and move back. This began a pattern in which Tamita became stronger and stronger in her territorialism. In the ensuing days, Tamita went from slight discord to an all out attack at any human that came near her corral. Unknowingly, Mom had reinforced the bad behavior by petting her and trying to soothe her. As Tamita became more aggressive, Mom became afraid of her unpredictable and nasty behavior.

Now, in Tamita's partial defense, Mom wasn't feeding her enough hay. In my Mother's "new-owner" ignorance, she was not feeding her the amount she needed. What she had started out feeding her was fine for a yearling, but as Tamita grew and winter approached, she needed more hay. Mom saw her fuzzy, winter coat exterior and decided she had plenty of meat on her ribs. The filly had gotten increasingly hard to manage and to catch as her manners deteriorated. So, consequently, during the winter months, Mom had given up handling her altogether and never discovered the fuzzy body was really skinny underneath.

Every time Mom brought feed, Tamita was starving with hunger and was going to get every bite she could. In her mind, if she was the "herd boss" she could protect her hay pile and keep the "others" from eating her hay! Feeding times became a ritual of Mom tossing the hay and then running away as quickly as she could to avoid Tamita diving over the fence at her with teeth bared and ears flat back. Mom continued to scurry away after tossing Tamita her food. This convinced Tamita that Mom was afraid of her and she was the boss.

Attack!

Sometimes, after Tamita had been fed, I would sneak over and climb up on the fence to watch her eat from across the corral (even though Mom had warned me not to). I was extremely fascinated by horses and in my five-year-old mind, the distance was a safe one. One such time, while it was still winter, I climbed up on the fence to get a closer look at Tamita. Mom was in the backyard and hadn't noticed where I was. By the time she saw what was happening, it was too late for her to get to me.
Across the pen at a full gallop Tamita came at me with ears flat back and teeth bared, she dove at me and took a bite out of what was accessible to her from over the fence, my jugular. Mom arrived a second too late. She grabbed a startled me off the fence and turned me around to survey the damage. Other than being totally shocked I was mostly okay. The zipper on the coat had been ripped off. A chunk of quilting and material the size of a grapefruit had been ripped from my coat and I had a nice size bruise located right at the jugular coming to a bright color of blue and purple.

New Understanding

After this I was not allowed to go near the filly (I wasn't actually allowed before, but I was more convinced at that point to obey my Mom). Scared and angry that this horse attacked her child, Mom had to decide what to do with Tamita. She could sell her, stay away from her, or attempt to train her. Mom decided to try training her first. She sent away for a set of horse books on how to break bad habits like biting and kicking. When the books arrived and she had read them, Mom began to understand how her reactions towards Tamita encouraged her bad behavior and was actually reinforcing it. She also began to understand how to correct the problem. Within an hour of working with her, Tamita became as gentle as a kitten. She followed Mom around the corral like a lamb. The biting and threatening moves ceased forever. They both had experienced what is known as a paradigm shift.

Happy Ending

Meanwhile, some friendly horsemen pointed out the filly needed more food. Tamita began to grow and fill out. By the time Tamita was 4, she was a wonderful horse anyone could ride or be around. She was quiet and dependable, safe and kind. I remember many days I would jump on her back from the corral fence and ride her around. An amazing thing about Tamita was this wasn't the first mistake Mom made with her, there were many others in her lifetime. But Tamita was always forgiving and luckily, very trainable. When things weren't going how Tamita or Mom liked, they "talked" it over and discovered a better way to approach it. She never gave up on Mom, trying to teach her how horses think and respond, and Mom never gave up on learning her language the best she knew how. We all began a life-long learning experience.

We often use the Tamita Story to introduce the Belief Cycle. If you haven't read the white paper on the Belief Cycle, which refers to this story, now would be a good time to do so. Click here to go to the white paper Belief Cycle White Paper